dilbert-2

dilbert-1

employee profiles-whats urs?

Employee profiles-based on sun signs

Aries Employee Profile
==================

Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters.

They'll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of
different
work sites fixing things. They certainly won't be happy for very
long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule.

The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square
hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details.
No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a
routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all.
They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to
satisfy their competitive tendencies--
but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new
projects. They typically like to have a sense of responsibility
and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and
provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work
themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves.

If you want to keep your Aries co-worker productive and happy,
you'll want to give them the opportunity to work independently
or let them help and lead less experienced workers.



Taurus Employee Profile
===================

Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal,
hardworking, and no-nonsense. They work methodically and
follow projects through until they are complete. Some may
appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so
careful-but they will always finish what they start. They thrive on
structure, schedules, and routine. You'll find them doing the
same exact thing at the same time every day.

Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that
they often appear to be. If they have to work in a chaotic
environment, they won't be happy and will be prone to child-like
temper tantrums and stubbornness. They might react similarly if
they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where
there is no obvious potential for advancement.

Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn't a ladder for them to
climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to
advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who
may stand in their way of progress.

Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily
before they feel they are being taken advantage of. They will
gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get
done, but they expect rewards. They want material gain, salary
increases, and the potential for more power.

To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them
projects through which they will see tangible results-hopefully
something that will allow them to express their unique creativity
in addition to their practical side. They don't want to feel mired
in details for long periods of time.

Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews.
This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company.



Gemini Employee Profile
===================

Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one
thing for long periods of time. They have quick-moving minds
and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others.
They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't
particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering
from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the
office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and
make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to nego-
tiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved.

When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their
wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive.
When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-
work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll,
they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods
can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity.

It is really against their nature to be forced into an average
workday schedule and environment. They are happier traveling.
lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation.

Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to
escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to
put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to
avoid getting into any debates with them - they will surely
win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They
will need an accepting environment-one that supports their
need for multi-tasking.




Cancer Employee Profile
====================

The Cancer employee isn't at work to feed their ego -- their
job is just a job and a means to get paid. They work steadily
and are usually very reliable. You'll be able to depend on them
to show up on time and do what is necessary. They won't get
involved in power struggles or get upset when someone
advances before them. They are able to accept the situation
because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up. Their
motivation is security.

They'll want more money the longer they've stayed at a job.
They don't want to have to worry about how they'll make ends
meet tomorrow so they'll need a stable position without much
risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on
occasion.

During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as
everyone else's in the office. Their moods can be so strong
everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these
occurrences, managers and co-workers should try to make
the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well
heated, cozy, and friendly. Don't press them to reveal their
true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and
protective, and they could see prying as an attempt to
disturb their security.



Leo Employee Profile
=================

Leo workers want to be first and at the center of the office.
Even if they can't lead, they'll look for every opportunity to
increase their own status -- and if someone else seems
ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they
aren't happy by pouting and complaining. They want
advancement so much that they'll take on more respon-
sibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in
the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they
are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are
doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice.

They know they are superior and want everyone to know it
as well. This arrogance can sometimes cause problems
when working with management. But typically, they are just
hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are.

They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product
or company just as well as they promote themselves.

Their strength and arrogance isn't just show either. In a crisis
situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage.

Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility
and rewards. They are happy to train and mentor new co-
workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of
authority.

If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you'll need to
give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence.
They will certainly want to help lighten your load of manage-
ment responsibilities. Just be careful- the next thing you know
they could be taking over your job.



Virgo Employee Profile
==================

In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal
emloyees, happily working late into the night to make sure
everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an
employee who doesn't mind starting from rock bottom in the
most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo.

They'll have no complaints about the position being beneath
them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work.
Their contentment isn't always apparent, however.

They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize
the way things are done around the office and are the first
ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be
extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and
don't mince words over what they feel just isn't right.

Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing a half-
baked job or not being considerate of other co-workers.

You'll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to
quell their anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there
is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented
project and let them work alone on it. You won't have to
supervise a Virgo worker. They'll check all the facts before
getting started and catch their own errors when they are done.

To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure
their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide
small gestures of appreciation. They don't need extravagance,
just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that
won't embarrass them. They will probably just shrug their
shoulders and say, "It's no big deal." But deep down inside
they need these little reassurances.



Libra Employee Profile
==================

Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with
sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes
find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the
energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from
affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant
vibrations will put them off so much that they will have
difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work.

One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking,
ambitious employee around. The next day they might be
down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers
shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood.
It really won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over
them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a
balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence
at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch.
Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically
happy and stable people. They are capable of profound
logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before
acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around.

They are expert researchers and mediators. And their
sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at
keeping things looking great. They will easily help others
resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers
and management so that everyone ends up happy.

If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them
the respect they are due and put them in a position where
they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They
won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either-
make sure they are given increased responsibility.


Scorpio Employee Profile
====================

Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They
are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of
self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and
take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation.
They don't make excuses; they just take care of business and
expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don't, co-
workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath.

They don't mind being completely vocal about what they feel is
wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be
sure to expect retaliation. They won't take insults or opposition
lying down.

If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through
with your word and don't break any promises-Scorpio is
keeping track and building up some heavy resentments
against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until
too late-but when Scorpio gets too much, you'll be sure to
know.

Scorpio employees will react towards those around them
exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want,
they will be very accepting.

If you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker,
be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally.
Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their
awesome self-confidence and courage.




Sagittarius Employee Profile
======================

The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing
to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like
there's no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the
toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them
out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities
and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office-
otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards
someone so arrogant and extravagant.

Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can
handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the
ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because
their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes.
Don't let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about
what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude
that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just
messed up big time.

Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn't mean
they won't tell you exactly how they feel-what is working for
them and what isn't. And they won't just blindly take orders -
they need to understand the method and reason behind the
process.

If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be
sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and
hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once
deadlines are met.

And whatever you do, try not to question their intentions-
it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren't
capable of deceit.


Capricorn Employee Profile
======================

A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker.

They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no
sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of
responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly
ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will
usually know that they are serious and determined about
advancing themselves.

They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be
self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear
down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is
incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work
away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard
sell or the new hardware release.

Capricorns don't work for free, however. They expect to be
paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility.
They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and
they see the work environment as their primary vehicle.

They won't go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though.

They want to get down to business at work and see it as no
place for fooling around.

With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors,
it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system.

They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management
schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their
dry sense of humor in the most critical ways.

If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort
leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and
depression with a sense of hopelessness.

Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly
and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of
advancement within your organization for them. If you don't,
you might find them looking for other opportunities.



Aquarius Employee Profile
=====================

The Aquarius employee can't tolerate unfairness in the office.

Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they
deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They'll try
to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it's
the last thing that they do. They are so smart-they can't help
but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are
being unfair and unintelligent. It isn't that they are overly
ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just
that they think people in power should know better.

Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and
will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace.
Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously.

They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong
work ethic. Their bright, off-beat intelligence, and trustworthi-
ness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work.

Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete
thinking and sensitivity to co-workers. Keep your smart
Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity
to learn news kills.

Raises are less important to them. No amount of money will
make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position. Don't
let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as
easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot.



Pisces Employee Profile
===================

The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if
unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to
keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the
detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom
they feel are worthy of devotion.

On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that
of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their
cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own
business or next vacation.

Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long.
Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for
that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit
and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad
direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it.
They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem
reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their
co-workers.

Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true
nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporte culture.
What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around
but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their
work impacts the entire organization.

They need to know that what they are doing is worth
something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their
unconventional organization and planning will be necessary.
Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format
doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment
bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt.

Doctors Terminology

doctor terminology

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking

"This should be taken care of right away."

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"

He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."

I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."

Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."

I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."

I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may hurt a little."

Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"

I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."

The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."

Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"

You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...

"There is a lot of that going around."

My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."

I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.